Lilies on the field
Yesterday, I made a brief trip to Chicago to attend a very blessing wake service of a beloved and respected first generation Korean pastor. There’s something special about a believer’s funeral service that helps you to see the gospel clearly in the light of tragedy and challenges you to chart the course of your own life by what is truly important. But during yesterday’s service, another aspect gripped my heart. It was a pastor who passed away.
As I heard the faithful testimonies of his beloved family, I pondered how I would love my family as a pastor.
As I heard about his very difficult immigrant ministry, I wondered if I would be faithful until the end.
As I heard about the health that greatly deteriorated, I questioned if I can still be joyful in all circumstances without being bitter at life’s loss that are fully under God’s sovereign control.
At the end of my life, what will be said about my life, what will be remembered by my loved one, and what fruit will remain?
I mentioned in my last blog that I’ve been thinking about my death a lot and I couldn’t quite figure out why. I wasn’t thinking about the actual death but “the end.” But this trip helped me to point to the source of my contemplation. As I’m making a full transition into pastoral ministry – I had to carefully think about the end – the goal and result – before I could fully devoted myself. For me, I can’t take a step forward without seeing the end – not a concrete end – but a vision or a direction that’s worthwhile.
Yet, yesterday was a great reminder that timing and events in life are often beyond our ability to measure and control. The very things that we love and strive for in this life – resources, respect, rewards, and relationships in life – will be gained and lost in this life. But these thoughts that pointed to futility and frailty of ourselves gave me great comfort.
That I’m not supposed to figure out all things. I shouldn’t worry about how life would unfold. But just as I have been going through different stages of life – correction – just as God’s been leading me through different stages of life – I’m called place my confidence in our God who faithfully provide what is best for us eternally.
” ‘Let not your heart be troubled,’ His tender word I hear, and resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears; though by the path He leadeth but one step I may see: His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me…”
Hold onto Jesus. God’s eternal provision. Our present joy and final reward.
